hurts..?

well, frankly speaking i dont know why i suddenly woke up in this early morning, and feels like so,, can be said so emo.. i started to checked my facebook, seeing people's comment, and i go to 'his' page,, hahaha,, well, i cant call him boyfriend anymore, but he is still my best-est  friend that i ever have ( for guy) read through a photo comment, fells like so pain suddenly, fine, abstrackly i am not supposed to be jealous, and i never feel so when we are in a relationship..

Things that i concern the most is, why? why the way they get close to one another is the same way as me and him last time, by quarelling, am i that ordinary person that can just easily be found in somebody's personality and character..?

hahaahha,, desperate..? ehm, nope!! i just feel curious why? why it can be such a coincidence.? in time, in people as well... haahah...

ok, just think this is the tough 1st month that i might involved in, then i will be used to, i can enjoy,, this is what i want, so i may not complain much about this,,, 

freedom...

feeling bad...

that's what i feel... why it seems like so hard from me to get freedom,, studying abroad makes me think that i can get my freedom that i cant get from my hometown, but all what i have thought is wrong,, I'm under control. i hate it.. why??? my mom, dad,, same,,, everyone is same,,, night time??? fine, i can try hard to obey this time,,, hello,, I'm 19,,, do you still expect me to become a kids??? is it what you want me to be,, i really enjoy my college life,, but i really hope and i definitely want to get rid of all of this,, i want to piss off from these circumstances,, i don't like to be control, i want to be free,, when the freedom is given to me, i wont do bad things,,, i will be still reachable... why??? why you always threatening me,, threaten me with car,, do you think without car i cant have my own life,, just let me go,, stay outside, it is better for me,, than everyday you all must feel bored to keep scolded me, need to see my face everyday,, just let me go,,,, i didn't need this all, i just want my freedom,,, sorry, it didn't mean that i don't want to obey you,, but i cant,, I'm too ego to obey...

i hate this kind of life....!!!!!! i dont need money,i dont need nice things,i dont need c ar, i just need my freedom

well,, may i have this kind of design for my lovelyyy pocari sweat's bottle..?

dream looks, but having  a better feeling while staring the pocari's bottle,,,

hemm,, how do u think??

live is so pathetic after a while...

well,, 

inspired from lim hendry's i also start to recall back my memory about my daily live activities before i'm entering TOA....

life just so fun where i can really enjoy my time with my friends,,, esp movie time,,, nowadays,, i seldom watch movie,,, each time i go out,, with my mom, friends,,, whoever, i always thinking about my assignment that waiting for me at home...  feeling like dont want to do,,, but maybe this called perfectionist figure,,, where i really want to achieve something good,,i cant escape from this feeling,,but now, i start to rethink why i become like this???  maybe this was affected by my college friends,, ok some of them,, which really care about their result and achievement..   i want a good result,, who dont want it?? but in the other hand,, i also want an enjoyable life,,, i want to feel the excitement of being teenage and living in this age,, this time wont come twice...

how should i react?? first term,, second term,,, i still can sleep before 1 am... but now,, im addicted to night time,,, it seems to be an excitement for me if i can sleep late,, and see my household has go to sleep....  is it a good thing, that means i can have more time to do my assignment or is this a bad thing that i start to corrupting my health?? 

now,, i even don't know,, which one is the good one,, is this the life style that we want to walk on,,, to accomplish our destiny in the future,, but not enjoying our life time??? 

well,,, expert people,,, fine,,, most success people will said,, that pay it all this time while u are studying,, then u can enjoy your life later... but can all the achievement and money buy back my time "NOW"????

i want to be dont care but i cant,,,, i want to do whatever i want,,, but i cant,,,, i really wish i cannn...

exploration week????? hem,, they suppose to call it replacement class week....

here it goes...